Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
