What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
