I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
