There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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