My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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