I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
