After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
