the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
