Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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