The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
