I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
