Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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