I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
