There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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