1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Soap is not a condiment
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize