Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
