Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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