Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize