I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
