She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
