some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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