Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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