I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize