sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
