Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
