it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
