You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
