new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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