i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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