Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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