I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
