i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
