it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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