I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
