Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Blood and glitter go together right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
