I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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