worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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