adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
