why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
