i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
