And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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