I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
