I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
