fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
