Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
