I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
