can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
