he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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