We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
