Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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