Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
