In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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