wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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