id be glad to
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
