How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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