I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
