just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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