Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
