he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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