i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
