I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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