Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
