She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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