Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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