we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
