All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
