How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
