Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
