escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
