Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
