eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
