I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
