I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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