I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
