I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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