I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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