so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize