Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
