this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
