I didn't shave. On purpose
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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