I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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