I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
