She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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