i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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