dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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