For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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