Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
