She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no, he came in my armpit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize