went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
