I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
