This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
