Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
