I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
