You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
