He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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