My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
