the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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