Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
