The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize