Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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