"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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