how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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