Jerry, you need to find god
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
